1. 'What an enthralling opening.' How dignified. None of that 'exciting' rubbish. At Wimbledon, we speak sophisticatedly.
2. 'He will need to regroup. And he will, because he is strong.' This sounds slightly... well... something from Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream' speech.
3. 'Wild. Really wild.' Getting a tad too excited are we?
4.. 'It reminds me of a football match now.' In what way exactly? The terrible chants from the crowds? The beer everywhere? The fact that every player has had an affair with every other player's wife?
4. 'The roof will be closed. How is this going to change things?' My Lord! The roof is being closed?! Why are the army not here yet?
5. 'The brave souls waiting on the hill.' Just a bunch of random people actually.
6. 'The lights on the scoreboard are so vivid now.' This is not Keats.
And my personal favourite...
7. 'A nice light blue tie.' One commentator referring to what another commentator was wearing. The least tennis-related comment ever said by a tennis commentator.